Sex Positions | How do we improve things?
Sexual Positions | Why is variety important?
Sexual pleasure is a major reason for intercourse. However, arousal for most females goes down once intercourse begins because there's not enough clitoral stimulation. When a woman's sexual pleasure goes down she starts to feel trapped. "Do I let my partner know this doesn't feel good and risk disappointing them?" or "Do I fake it and pretend I really enjoy this even though I don't?" Both are horrible options. The moment pleasure starts to decrease during intercourse the experience starts to deteriorate. Moreover, what feels amazing to one partner may not feel good at all to the other partner. This is the ultimate opportunity to practice being one eye in one eye out by continually focusing on what feels good for you and what feels good for your partner, not one or the other. Therefore, it's vital you talk to your partner during intercourse on how the position feels. Experiment with multiple positions until you find some that feel best for both of you. Not surprisingly, women tend to prefer positions that optimize clitoral stimulation and men tend to prefer positions that feel erotic. Finding win/win sex positions won't happen naturally. It will only come through experimentation and open dialogue along the way.
Another reason to vary up sex positions is to maintain your interest in sex. For many couples sex becomes extremely predictable and anything that becomes predictable becomes boring. Think vanilla ice cream. When sex becomes predictable we tend to lose interest. I've heard many partners say they lost interest in sex because it became too predictable. They felt bored and trapped because their partner was reluctant to try other positions. We have been given five senses to experience the world and our partner. When we experience something novel, our senses are heightened and our arousal increases. However, the opposite is also true. When sex becomes predictable, our senses are dulled and arousal decreases. Therefore, varying up your sex positions will keep things fresh. Also, experiment with heightening your five senses during sex. For example, think about how to vary up the level of lighting, what you listen to, what you're tasting, what you're feeling kinesthetically, and what you're smelling. Changing up your sensory experiences will heighten your overall pleasure and interest in sex.
A third reason to try different sex positions is it's healthy to have new experiences together as a couple. When couples experience new things together, no matter what it is, they often feel closer and more bonded. These new experiences can come from traveling to new countries, eating at new restaurants, or trying new sex positions. The key word here is new. Experiencing something new with your partner both in and outside the bedroom is a wonderful way to stay in love. In addition, trying new sex positions creates a sense of adventure. We are wired for adventure but often our modern day office job existence deprives us of it. Adventure brings with it adrenaline and risk, which can be extremely fun and memorable. Trying a variety of sex positions can infuse exciting feelings of adventure into your relationship without ever leaving your home!
In sum, varying things up in the bedroom will greatly benefit your relationship by optimizing pleasure, maintaining interests, and adding adventure.
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