How To Be A Better Wife

How To Be A Better Wife - 4 Steps To A Good Wife

Learning how to love your partner well should be a top goal for all spouses. What does love look like? How do you put it into practice? If you want to have a good marriage you have to be sure you're doing your part. This article is written specifically to women who are wondering how to be a better wife. Like most men, most women have never been trained on how to be a good partner. They didn't have positive examples growing up on how to be an amazing woman in marriage. Therefore, they enter adulthood without understanding the top ways to become an amazing partner. This post will show you how! 

How To Be A Better Wife - 4 Steps

Step #1: Appreciation

The first thing to consider when loving your husband is appreciation. Men usually desire appreciation, and there's not enough of it. Think about all the things you can compliment your husband on. What are the character qualities he has that you admire? What are the activities he does that you appreciate? What are you most attracted to with his appearance? What do you love most about him? You need to let him know. A lot of men wonder if they're enough? Are they masculine enough? Are they strong enough? Do they make enough money? Is their penis big enough? Men can have all sorts of insecurities; therefore, they need to hear from their wives regularly that they're enough. Affirmation does wonders for men. So, start thinking through all the things you can complement your husband on then provide at least one a day.

Step #2: Activity

The second thing to consider if you're wondering how to be a better wife is doing activities with your husband. Most guys like to be in motion. They like to hike, bike, fish, golf, etc. I'm like this. I don't like to sit still. I'd rather be in motion doing some type of fun activity. I love doing recreational activity with my wife. So, another way to love your husband is through fun activities. However, it's important to find activities he loves that you also would enjoy. Otherwise, you will dread it and it won't be a pleasant experience. Develop a list of activities you both would love then initiate doing them together. "Hey honey, how about we pack a picnic and go fishing" or "hey honey, how about we get some takeout and go for a hike." 

Step #3: Appearance

The third thing to consider if you're wondering how to be a better wife is your appearance. Most men are visual. Therefore, your husband will appreciate any effort you put into your looks, such as how you do your hair, how you dress, and how often you exercise. How well do you take care of your appearance? How good is your self-care? Physical attraction in marriage is a touchy topic. Some people are on one end of the continuum and say "If you love me, it shouldn't matter how I look." That's too far because while your husband may still love you no matter what, his physical attraction toward you is involuntary. His attraction toward you will ebb and flow based on how well you take care of yourself. On the other hand, some people go too far the other way and say "I'm only committed to you as long as I'm attracted to you" or "I'll only love you if you stay as beautiful as you were at age twenty one." That's too far the other way because all of us age and our bodies are going to change. Therefore, there needs to be some grace for your partner's changing body because it's inevitable. Balance is key on this topic. 

Step #4: Sex

The fourth thing to consider if you're wondering how to be a better wife is sex. As you may know,15-20% of marriages have a role reversal where the woman is the higher libido partner. However, typically it's the male because sex drive is tied to testosterone and most men have higher levels of testosterone than women. Therefore, men tend to think about and desire sex more often than women. Sexual arousal for most men is spontaneous, meaning they are ready for sex at any moment. They can wake up and be aroused, they can see their wife changing and get aroused, they can see their wife stepping out of the shower and get aroused, etc. It's spontaneous. It happens immediately. For most women, in contrast, their sexual arousal is responsive. They typically don't feel any sexual arousal until after foreplay begins. Therefore ladies, the question should never be "am I in the mood?" because you may never be in the mood. Instead, it should be "am I open to getting in the mood after we begin foreplay?"
Your husband wants to feel like you want him sexually so here are a few ideas to get started. First, dress seductively when you go to bed at night in lingerie that's also comfortable for you to wear. Second, tease your husband by flashing some of your body when changing clothes. Third, send your husband a suggestive text or photo, based on whatever you feel comfortable with. Fourth, rub some of your body against his as you're passing him throughout the day. Men experience love most deeply through sexual connection. Therefore, each time you sexually flirt with your husband he'll interpret it as love.
In addition, be sure to initiate sexual activity 1-2 times per week. Initiating sexual contact sends the message loud and clear "I want you and I love you." Initiating sexual contact can begin with sensual activity, such as a sensual massage or warm bath together. Then, if you feel open to getting aroused, initiate sexual contact. The goal during sexual contact is to focus on what you desire to maximize your voice, engagement, and consent. Obligation sex is a toxic trap many women fall into. Therefore, focus on what your body desires. How do you prefer receiving sexual stimulation manually and orally? What sexual positions do you prefer? Explore what works best for you! Focusing on what you enjoy most is key because your full engagement will be most satisfying to your husband. 
In summary, if you're wondering how to be a better wife, remember to focus on appreciation, activity, your appearance, and sexual activity.   
Further Reading:

Dr. Wyatt Fisher

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You’re very welcome Jo. So glad you found it helpful!

Dr. Wyatt

One of the very best podcasts I’ve heard with very helpful tactics! Thank you!

Jo Barber

Thank you so much for the kind words Gail. Wonderful to hear how much you appreciated the article!

Dr. Wyatt

Wow!! Great info… You make a person stop & say, “I forgot how important that was to him!” Thank you! I thank God that He put you in my path to saving my marriage. You’re a true Blessing

Gail Vollmer

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