Do you want to have a happy relationship? Do you want to have a successful marriage? If so, you’re going to enjoy this post, because it covers what I believe is the only piece of marriage advice you truly need.
6 Pieces Of Marriage Advice That Actually Works
1. Watch for Emotional and Physical Rejection
When you first fall in love, everything feels easy. You’re open, vulnerable, and completely tuned into each other. There’s transparency, affection, and emotional oneness. But as life gets busier—with work, kids, and responsibilities—connection often fades.
Small moments of rejection start to appear. You try to share something vulnerable, but your partner dismisses it or gives advice instead of empathy. You reach for their hand, but they pull away because they’re stressed. You try to initiate intimacy, and they say they’re not in the mood.
These may seem like small things, but they add up. Each moment of rejection—emotional or physical—creates distance. Over time, these “micro rejections” start to shape how you show up in your relationship.
2. Watch Your Self-Talk
When these rejections happen, what story do you tell yourself? Most people immediately create meaning:
“I guess I can’t talk about that anymore.”
“They must not like it when I’m affectionate.”
“They don’t want me to initiate intimacy.”
That internal dialogue matters. Sometimes it’s accurate, but often it’s exaggerated or distorted by hurt. Your self-talk determines how you react and whether you stay open—or start to close off emotionally.
Growing awareness of your inner dialogue is crucial. Notice what you tell yourself when you feel rejected. That awareness is the first step to stopping the cycle of disconnection before it deepens.
3. Beware of Creating Too Many Rules
This is where many couples get stuck. After repeated rejection, you begin creating rules to protect yourself from more pain:
“I won’t bring that topic up again.”
“I won’t try to hold their hand.”
“I won’t initiate intimacy anymore.”
These self-imposed rules feel safe in the moment, but over time, they shrink your emotional freedom. You stop showing up as your authentic self. You start walking on eggshells—careful, quiet, and disconnected.
In short, you begin living in a box.
Let me share a personal example. Early in my marriage, my wife carried trauma around intimacy. Whenever I initiated, it triggered painful memories for her, and she would shut down. I experienced that as rejection. The story I told myself was, “She hates it when I initiate.” The rule I created was, “I’m not allowed to initiate intimacy.”
That rule stayed with me for years. As a higher-drive partner, not being able to initiate felt like part of me was dying. I became more withdrawn, closed off, and emotionally distant—all because of a rule I made up in my own mind.
My wife never actually said, “You’re not allowed to initiate.” But I interpreted her reaction as a hard boundary and started living under that rule. And living under that rule took away my authenticity.
Have you done the same? Have you experienced rejection and created rules for yourself that now limit how you show up in your relationship? Over time, these rules pile up until you no longer feel free to be yourself.
4. Turn Rejections into Compromises
The healthier path is to turn those moments of rejection into conversations—and compromises.
Instead of creating a new rule or pulling back, talk about what happened. Ask, “Hey, I tried to connect just now, but it didn’t land well. Can we talk about that? What didn’t work for you, and how can we find a way that works for both of us?”
Maybe your partner truly doesn’t like a certain way of being touched or a particular timing of connection. That’s okay. But rather than closing off, find a middle ground. The goal is not to stop trying—it’s to keep trying in ways that honor both of you.
Relationships thrive when both partners feel safe to express who they are while still respecting the other person’s needs. That’s the heart of compromise—mutual understanding that keeps connection alive.
5. Don’t Reject Your Partner’s Bids for Connection
Emotional and physical connection is built on small “bids” for attention and affection—what researcher John Gottman calls bids for connection. When your partner reaches out, you have three options:
1.Turn away – You ignore their bid or don’t even notice it.
2.Turn against – You get irritated or defensive about their attempt.
3.Turn toward – You acknowledge and respond positively.
Turning toward is the most powerful thing you can do. If your partner reaches for your hand, tries to talk, or asks to cuddle, pause and recognize the bid.
You don’t have to say yes every time, but you can respond in a way that keeps the connection open. For example: “I’d love to cuddle, but I need 10 minutes to decompress first.” That response communicates both understanding and care—it says “I see you,” even if you can’t meet the need right away.
6. Periodically Revisit the Rules in Your Relationship
Most couples operate under a set of unspoken rules—what’s okay to say, do, or ask for. These rules develop unconsciously over time through patterns of rejection and withdrawal.
Every so often, take time to talk about them. Ask:
“What unspoken rules do you feel exist in our relationship?”
“Which ones are helpful and which ones hold us back?”
“How can we replace rigid rules with healthy compromises?”
By bringing these hidden agreements into the open, you can dismantle the walls that keep you from feeling close and authentic.
The Bottom Line
The best marriage advice isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about staying emotionally honest and flexible.
Notice when rejection happens.
Pay attention to your inner story.
Avoid making rigid rules that box you in.
Turn difficult moments into compromises.
Stay attuned to your partner’s bids for connection.
Revisit your relationship rules regularly.
When you practice these steps, you protect your connection from slowly dying under layers of unspoken pain and misunderstanding.
Remember, your relationship will thrive not because it’s free of conflict or rejection—but because you both keep choosing openness over withdrawal, and communication over silence.
Couples need hope—and this kind of mindful, self-aware approach gives it.
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What other marriage advice do you think is important?