Are you feeling like your marriage is hanging on by a thread? Are the conversations colder, the distance growing, and you’re left wondering, “How do I save this?” If you're on the verge of divorce, I want to share five actionable steps that could help turn things around. While every relationship is unique and not every tip applies equally, these five principles are foundational if you want to rebuild connection and stop the downward spiral.
Let’s dive in.
1. Speak Their Love Language—Even When You Don’t Feel Like It
This might sound simple, but it’s incredibly powerful. Do you know how your partner feels loved? Is it through physical affection, kind words, quality time, acts of service, or gifts? Most people speak their own love language by default—but real transformation begins when you learn to speak your partner’s love language consistently, even when you’re not feeling particularly loving.
I used to be a mindless partner—just going through the motions, unaware of how I was affecting my wife. Over the years, I’ve learned to become more mindful and tuned in to her needs. That shift has made our marriage stronger and more joyful.
Take a recent example: We went on a date—a simple bike ride. As an extrovert, I normally fill the air with conversation, but I’ve learned that my wife, an introvert who values peace and quiet, prefers silence in moments like that. I held back from talking, allowing her to guide the conversation at her own pace. That small act of mindfulness made her feel seen, respected, and loved.
I was also aware of how I touched her. My natural instinct is to be more firm—hugs, back pats—but she prefers gentle, delicate touch, something she learned from her mother. So I adjusted. I softened my gestures because I knew that would help her feel more loved.
These kinds of mindful shifts may seem small, but they speak volumes. Are you making the effort to adapt to how your partner wants to be loved? Or are you still acting out of habit?
2. Stop Doing What Makes Them Feel Negative Toward You
This one may seem obvious, but it’s often overlooked. Are you doing things that push your partner away? Do you know which behaviors make them feel frustrated, disrespected, or unseen?
Maybe it’s an addiction you haven’t addressed—alcohol or constant scrolling on your phone. Maybe it’s a pattern of uncontrolled anger. Maybe you’re controlling, rigid, or emotionally unavailable. If you want your partner to want to stay in the marriage, those behaviors have to stop.
Ask yourself: What are the top things I do that makes my partner feel negative toward me?
Better yet, ask them. It’s a bold question, but their answers might be the exact roadmap you need to begin healing your relationship. Once you know, get serious about working on those behaviors. You don’t have to be perfect overnight, but you do need to make progress.
Because the truth is: Your partner won’t want to stay if you keep doing what hurts them.
3. Stop Arguing About the Surface—And Go Deeper
Couples often get stuck arguing over petty or surface-level issues: who forgot to take out the trash, who’s doing more around the house, where to spend the holidays. But those arguments aren’t about the topic itself—they’re about what’s underneath.
What’s the real need that isn’t being met? Respect? Security? A desire to feel cherished or included?
So the next time you’re in a conflict, ask: What’s this really about? Listen closely. Maybe your partner feels ignored, unimportant, or like they can’t rely on you. When you can hear their heart and not just their words, everything shifts. You stop being adversaries and start becoming allies again.
4. Surprise Them with Kindness
Are you stuck in a cycle of “I’ll give if they give first”? That tit-for-tat dynamic drains relationships. Yes, it’s hard to keep giving when your needs aren’t being met—but someone has to go first if the cycle is going to change.
What if that person is you?
Maybe it’s you being the first to apologize. Maybe it’s meeting their needs even when yours are still unmet. Maybe it’s writing them a note, making them coffee, or simply offering a gentle smile. Those small acts of kindness can be a catalyst for big change.
Emotions are contagious. If you're cold, they’ll likely respond with coldness. But if you’re warm and kind, you might be surprised at how quickly your partner starts softening too.
Now, let’s be clear—if you do this for months and your partner refuses to engage or respond, that may signal deeper issues, and a separation might be necessary. But often, one person choosing kindness is the spark that lights a fire of hope and reconnection.
5. Get Help Before It’s a Crisis
Too many couples wait until they’re hanging on by a thread before reaching out for help. In fact, research shows the average couple waits 4–7 years after problems begin before seeking support. By then, the resentment has often calcified, and motivation to repair is dangerously low.
Don’t make that mistake.
My wife and I did early in our marriage. We waited too long, and it took years to unravel the pain and bitterness that had built up. Learn from our delay—if you’re hurting, don’t wait. Get help now.
You might think, Well, maybe it will get better on its own. But if that were true, it would have already happened. Marriage problems don’t usually resolve themselves. That’s why marriage professionals exist. Get support before the problems feel unfixable.
Final Thoughts
Marriage is hard. Even strong relationships go through winter seasons. But if you’re willing to do the work, healing is possible. Reconnection is possible. Even joy is possible.
To recap, here are the five steps to save your marriage and stop divorce:
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Learn to speak your partner’s love language—even when you don’t feel like it.
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Stop doing the behaviors that make your partner feel negative toward you.
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Stop fighting about surface issues—focus on the deeper emotional needs underneath.
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Surprise them with kindness and take the first step.
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Get professional help before it becomes a crisis.
You don’t need to fix everything overnight. Start with one step. Be consistent. Be intentional. And believe that change can happen.
Your marriage is worth fighting for.
Receive my FREE Training on How To Rebuild Your Marriage In 90 Days. Click here to get it!
What else do you think could help save your marriage?