Sexy Massage - Sensual Massage - 7 Steps

When was the last time you and your partner gave each other a sexy massage? If you're like most couples, probably never! Couples usually don't prioritize giving and receiving sensual massage, which is unfortunate because they can be very beneficial. Entering into sensual time with your partner is sacred ground. It's time to relax, time to explore, time to give, and time to receive.

What is a sensual massage?

A sensual massage is a connecting time for couples to experience romantic ambience, relaxing sensations, and pleasant touch. It often involves partners taking turns being the giver and receiver of soothing, relaxing massage.

7 Sexy Massage Tips For A Sensual Massage

Step #1: Decide who will be the giver or receiver first

A sexy massage begins by deciding who will be the giver and who will be the receiver first. It's important to have designated roles because some people get so focused on giving they forget to receive while others get so focused on receiving they forget to give. Therefore, having designed roles for each clarifies expectations and ensures both partners do their part. It can help to set a timer for 10-15 minutes then switch roles when it rings. The job of the giver is to provide the sensual massage to their partner. For example, start with the feet, then move to the legs, then to the stomach, then to the back, then to the shoulders, then to the arms, then to the hands, and then to the head. All sexual parts are off limits during the massage because this is sensual touch time not erotic touch time. I'll discuss in step #7 if things turn erotic or not after the massage is over. The job of the giver is to experiment with different types of touch, such as light tickles, kisses, light massage, or firm massage. The job of the receiver is to provide positive redirect with affirmation. This means if you don't care for the type of touch you're receiving nudge your partner toward the type of touch that would feel better then tell them how good it feels. This trains your partner on how to touch your body. For example. If your partner is using light tickles on your back and you don't care for it gently tell them "firm massage" then when they switch to providing firm massage affirm it by saying "yes, that feels so good." This keeps the experience positive and pleasurable for both partners. Also, when you're the receiver keep asking yourself "where do I want my partner to touch me next?" This question will help you stay in the "here and now" and focus on what your body is desiring.

Step #2: Optimize sight

We are visual creatures. Therefore, it's vital to optimize your visual senses during a sensual massage to optimize your pleasure. Think through all of your visual options. To begin, consider the level of lighting. Would you like candle light for a low glow? Would you like bright lights to really see your partner? Would you like no lights to feel more relaxed? Discuss this with your partner and find a compromise that works for both of you. Next, how would you like to decorate your room for the massage to feel more romantic? Would you appreciate looking at rose pedals, pillows, pictures of you and your partner? Third, what would you love your partner to wear? Would you like them to have regular clothes on, PJs, or silky undergarments? Think of everything you'll be looking at and what you would enjoy most. I recommend keeping your undergarments on during the massage because this is sensual touch time, not erotic touch time. If you both are naked the low libido partner will probably feel pressure that things need to turn sexual, which will sabotage their relaxation during the massage. Also, if you're both naked the high libido partner will probably feel frustrated if things don't turn sexual. Therefore, keeping your undergarments on during the massage is a visual reminder for both partners that this is sensual time not erotic time. I'll discuss in step #7 if things turn sexual or not after the massage is over.

Step #3: Optimize smell

Next is smell. What would be most pleasant for you to smell? A first step for some may be asking your partner to show up for the sexy massage freshly showered so you can smell soap on their body. What about burning incense or candles? Some popular candle smells include vanilla, lavender, roses, or lemon. You want the massage to be a multi-sensory experience so optimizing smell is important.

Step #4: Optimize taste

Next is taste. Don't forget that a major source of pleasure is what we taste. Therefore, integrate taste into your sensual massage. Think about what would be most enjoyable to sip or munch on during the massage. For some this may be pieces of dark chocolate or sipping red wine. Whatever would feel enjoyable to your palate is fair game. One word of caution. Be sure to prop yourself up on something as you munch or sip so you don't choke during the sensual massage. Talk about a mood killer!

Step #5: Optimize touch

Next is touch. Your entire body is a sensory organ through touch. Therefore, consider what would optimize your pleasure through touch during the sexy massage. Consider what type of surface would feel best to lay on for the massage. Would you prefer carpet, pillows, bedspreads, or sheets? Also, what clothing or undergarments would you like to wear that would feel most comfortable? Being relaxed and comfortable is key for the massage. When you're relaxed you'll stay in your parasympathetic nervous system, which will allow you to enjoy the sensual massage much more. Also, what type of lotion would you like your partner to use when they massage your body? One of the most popular options is coconut oil because it smells good, is easy to rub on, and it doesn't make a mess like baby oil does.

Step #6: Optimize sound

Next is sound. What would you love to hear during the sensual massage? First, consider what type of background sound or music would be most enjoyable for you. Would you prefer silence, crickets, the crackling of a campfire, ocean waves, romantic songs, or hip hop? As with all the senses, be sure to discuss your partner's preferences as well to find a compromise that works for both of you. If you can't find a compromise, consider having the receiver choose their preference as they are getting the massage then switch it up as the other partner receives their massage. Also, what types of sounds would you love to hear from your partner during the massage? Would you like silence from them or would you love to hear them make noises to indicate how the massage is making them feel. For example, your partner may let out a gentle moaning sound as you rub their shoulders because it feels so relaxing. If you prefer your partner to make sounds in response to your touch be sure to discuss how comfortable they would feel with this and seek a compromise that would work for both of you. Being sensitive to both partner's preferences and seeking a compromise is continually the goal.

Step #7: Decide if erotic touch happens next

This may be the step you've been most curious about. When the sexy massage is over does it lead to erotic contact? The short answer is, it depends. Some nights when the sensual massage is over the high libido partner may be aroused but not the low libido partner. On those nights the high libido partner can go to a different part of the house and pleasure themselves if they choose to. On other nights after the massage both partners may be aroused or open to getting aroused. On those nights things can move into erotic contact but it defers to the low libido partner. Think of sexual contact as a buffet rather than only intercourse. If the options are intercourse or nothing low libido partners will often choose nothing. Some options to consider instead are some nights you do everything above the waist, other nights everything manual below the waist, other nights everything oral below the waist, other nights lay next to one another while you pleasure yourself, and other nights you do everything including intercourse. The low libido partner chooses what they are open to and that determines what the couple does. This approach is beneficial to low libido partners because it brings back voice and choice so they are fully present during sexual activity and providing full consent. This approach is beneficial to high libido partners because their partner will be more engaged during sexual contact and they'll experience more frequent sexual contact of some type. Therefore, it creates a win/win for both partners.

So there you have it, the top seven sexy massage tips for an amazing sensual massage. First, decide who will be the giver or receiver. Second, optimize your pleasure with sight. Third, optimize your pleasure with smell. Fourth, optimize your pleasure with taste. Fifth, optimize your pleasure with touch. Sixth, optimize your pleasure with sound. And seventh, decide if erotic touch happens after the sensual massage is over.

Most couples rarely touch and when they do it's for sex. This may work for high libido partners but not for low libido partners. Low libido partners need regular non-sexual touch to feel close and connected. Skin on skin contact also releases the neurotransmitter Oxytocin in your brain, which is called the love drug. This is why newborns are placed on their mother's chest after birth to begin the bonding process. When you and your partner have skin on skin contact it releases Oxytocin, which bonds you together. Therefore, prioritizing massage is essential to bond you and your partner. Furthermore, having sexy massages is a wonderful way to bring back romance into your relationship, which many partners desire more of.

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Dr. Wyatt Fisher