Many husbands wish their wives wanted more sex and it's often a mystery to them why they don't. Therefore, I'm going to cover the top two libido boosters for women.
Libido Booster #1 for Women
Women are wired for relationship, so you need to cultivate the emotional connection with your wife for her to be open to the sexual connection. One way to think about it is women need to be emotionally bare before they can become physically bear. Emotional intimacy involves sharing your inner world. What's really going on for you? What are your highs? What are your lows? What are you really thinking? Most females desire that level of connection. They want to not only share their inner world, but they want to hear yours too. Doing so will make them feel close to you. I recommend the Head/Heart Check to facilitate this. The head is your agenda, which includes the tasks that fill up your day. The heart is what you’re feeling, so mad, sad, glad or fear and why. View the Head/Heart Check like two bookends to your day. Do it first thing in the morning for 5-10 minutes then again at night for 30-60 minutes. If you're not very good at identifying your feelings, consider journaling every day for a few minutes to get more in touch with yourself.
Emotional intimacy also includes responding with empathy to your wife’s venting. When your wife is venting about stress in her life, do not fix it. Do not correct it. Do not curb it. Instead, empathize with it. Empathy statements are short, simple phrases that make her feel like you have her back. Some easy phrases for empathy are “that sucks” or “that sounds really frustrating” or “no wonder you feel that way.” The more you respond with empathy, the closer she’ll feel with you.
Another element of cultivating connection is quality time. Make sure you're carving out time from your busy life to connect. Healthy couples have at least one hour per day with one another without tech and kids and at least one date per week that’s at least three hours long.
The other piece to connection is affection. Most females desire affectionate, non-sexual touch with no strings attached. If you only touch your wife when you want sex, she'll associate your touch with sex and resent it. Therefore, you have to flood her with affection regularly. You also need to learn how and where she likes to be touched. Also, try to get into the habit every night of cuddling before bed. Couples who cuddle more tend to have sex more. Skin on skin contact through affection and cuddling will make your wife feel close with you, which will open the door to her sexual side.
Libido Booster #2 for Women
You need to become more clitoral focused than penetration focused. Once intercourse begins, pleasure decreases for most women because there's not enough clitoral stimulation. A third or less women orgasm through intercourse because of this. Also, it takes most men 3-5 minutes to reach orgasm and 15-30 minutes for most women. In heterosexual marriages if the man has the higher libido, he normally moves to intercourse quickly and finishes before his wife has built much arousal. Not surprisingly, this pattern makes wives avoid sex because there’s nothing in it for them! There needs to be a paradigm shift where the focus is on clitoral stimulation, not on penetration. In this way, you're serving your wife first. You're thinking about her experience first. You're thinking about what would be pleasurable for her first. Ultimately, men want their wife to enjoy the sexual encounter because that makes it enjoyable for them. Therefore, you need to put your needs of penetration in the back seat and your wife’s clitoris in the front seat.
Here are some interesting facts from Ian Kerns book “She Comes First” about the clitoris you may not be aware of. The clitoris is the only part of the human body whose sole function is pleasure. The clitoral head has over 8,000 nerve fibers, but the head of the penis only has 4,000. The clitoris is formed from the same embryonic material as the penis. The clitoris gets larger when aroused, just like a penis. The outer lips of the vulva are made from the same material as the scrotum. The protective hood covering the clitoral head is akin to the foreskin covering the penis. The five sensory hot spots of the clitoris include the clitoral shaft, the clitoral head, the frenulum, the premium, and the clitoral cluster. The clitoral cluster is better known as the G spot and is behind the vaginal wall on the other side of the clitoris. Last, the vulva is actually cleaner than the human mouth.
So, a possible sexual encounter could begin with a bath or shower together to candlelight and soft music playing. Then, start lightly caressing, kissing or massaging your wife for 10-15 minutes without touching her vulva so she has time to build arousal. Caress and kiss her hair, face, shoulders, arms, hands, stomach, legs, and then breasts. Next, move to the vulva and start on the outside and slowly work your way to the clitoris. Initial activity can include gentle pinches and kisses to the outer and inner lips of the vulva for 3-5 minutes. Then, move towards the clitoris and begin experimenting with types of pressure and motion. For example, some women enjoy light pressure on their clitoris whereas others enjoy firm pressure. Where a woman is in her arousal also may influence the type of pressure she desires. Also, experiment with the type of motion applied to her clitoris. Some women like firm pressure with no motion so they can move against it for pleasure whereas others may enjoy a vertical, horizontal, or circular motion or some combination of all three. Last, experiment with using your hand, tongue, or a combination of both to see which feels best to her. Each woman is different so be sure to keep lines of communication open on what your wife wants more of, less of, etc. Ladies, this is where your positive redirects and feedback is vital so your husband learns what feels best to you. Continue this activity until she orgasms to ensure her pleasure and experience comes first. Then proceed to intercourse if she feels open to it.
So, there you have it, the top libido boosters for women, optimize the relational connection and optimize your sexual technique.
Be sure to check out Dr. Wyatt Fisher's other resources below to better your relationship!
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